From Bizarro Me to White Jay-Z: Your Curiosities, Investigated

EPISODE 13: Our inaugural non-mailbag episode has arrived.

Okay! So: thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who called 513-85-PABLO with questions you wanted us to find out about. We received about 300 (!!) voicemails, which floored us. And some of them we continue to investigate, as we speak.

But today — in our debut non-mailbag episode (think of it more as, uh, a monthly assignment inbox) — we bring you the answers that we are thrilled to reveal as reported and ready for publication.

The questions which sparked our reporting include:

• Are the brains of Miami Heat fans infected with a parasite typically found in cat poop?

• What are your colleagues’ THC regimens?

• Does Troy Aikman know he looks like White Jay-Z?

• Does LeBron James use Gmail?

• Does A-Rod (really) have a portrait of himself as a centaur?

• Did Ohio State quarterback Cardale Jones really put up 100 points in NCAA Football against a kid in the hospital?

• Why the hell is the official Stanford University mascot a tree?

• Is that Pablo in Season 2 of The Bear?

SPOILER ALERT: Shoutout to the stupidly talented Andrew Lopez (right). I’d never met him before I summoned him to the PTFO studio — as you’ll see! — but we wound up hanging out for like an hour, IRL. And it was a super fun conversation. Much of which can never be shown in public. Partly because of the SAG-AFTRA strike; partly because of the actual contents of said conversation; and partly because we ran out of time in this 50-minute episode.

But I suggest that you go watch Episode 7 of Season 2 of The Bear, which is one of my favorite episodes of television, ever. And go watch Platonic, on Apple TV+, which I binged in a couple days, despite learning that Andrew plays Sketchy Investor Me. And I can’t wait for Iowa, his forthcoming passion project, with FX.

Buy stock in Bizarro Me, ASAP.